Monday, October 30, 2006

Exercitii fizice pentru birou...

Probabil ca nu vrei (si oricum, nu se poate) sa-ti transformi biroul intr-o sala de gimnastica in miniatura, dar sunt exercitii pe care le poti face la sau langa biroul tau, care te stimuleaza si te ajuta sa te relaxezi. De ce sa irosesti orice secunda care poate fi folosita in beneficiul formei tale fizice?

1. Stai in fata scaunului de la birou cu picioarele departate la nivelul umerilor. Indoaie-ti genunchii ca si cum ai sta pe scaun si mentine-ti echilibrul pe calcaie. Cand picioarele tale formeaza un unghi de 90 de grade, ridica-te incet in pozitia initiala.

2. Stai cu degetele de la picioare orientate spre exterior, si indoaie-ti usor genunchii, pana in momentul in care nu iti mai vezi degetele mari. Revino incet la postura initiala.

3. Stai cu spatele lipit de perete si departeaza-ti picioarele (de perete) pana cand toata greutatea ta este sprijinita de spate. Indoaie-ti genunchii pana formezi un unghi de 90 de grade si mentine-ti pozitia cat timp rezisti.

4. Fa un pas mare inainte cu piciorul drept, astfel incat coapsa ta sa fie paralela cu podeaua. Stai cateva secunde apoi repeta si cu celalalt picior.

5. In timpul pauzei de cafea, incearca sa-ti ridici greutatea in maini sprijinindu-te de birou. Repeta procedura de trei ori.

6. In timp ce stai la birou, ridica-ti si coboara-ti degetele mari dar mentine-ti calcaiele pe podea. Alternativa ar fi sa mergi putin pe calcaie.

7. In timpul unei conversatii telefonice poti sa-ti masezi partea inferioara a coapselor.

8. Incearca niste flotari mai usoare, cu mainile rezemate de perete sau de birou. Daca iti permite tinuta, poti face niste flotari "adevarate" pe podea.

9. Elibereaza-ti tensiunea din umeri ridicandu-i pe rand pana la nivelul urechilor, apoi relaxeaza-te.

10. Stand pe scaun, asaza-ti un morman de dosare sau reviste pe pulpe, apoi ridica-ti genunchii pana la nivelul pieptului. Repeta exercitiul de 10 ori.

11. Incearca sa atingi partea inferioara a scaunului cu calcaiele. Mentine-le acolo cat de mult rezisti, apoi relaxeaza-ti picioarele. Este un exercitiu extraordinar pentru coapse.

12. Stand pe scaun, apleaca-te ca si cum ai fi gata sa te ridici, folosindu-ti bratele pentru echilibru. Mentine acesta postura cat mai mult timp posibil.

13. Pune o pernuta sau un alt obiect moale intre pulpa si gamba si strange-ti genunchii temeinic. Repeta miscarea de cel putin cinci ori.

14. In picioare, cu mainile pe langa corp, relaxeaza-te, apoi apleaca-te si incearca sa-ti atingi degetul mare de la piciorul drept cu mana stanga si degetul de la piciorul stang cu mana dreapta. Repeta acest exercitiu de cel putin patru ori.

Iubire blestemata ...

Sa astepti cu nerabdare sa ajungi acasa, sa-l vezi, sa-l strangi in brate, sa-l iubesti. Pe el, pe omul cu care ai merge pana la capatul drumului indiferent cat de greu ti-ar fi, cat de lung sau anevoios ar parea drumul; pe el- omul pentru care respiri; pe el sensul vietii tale, pe EL.

Si acasa ce gasesti? In camera inca mai miroase a dragoste, ai vrea sa te cuibaresti in cearceafurile de pe pat... Dar nu poti, pentru ca nu este dragostea voastra este dragostea lor: a lui cu o altul/alta.
Si simti cum zilnic mai moare o bucata din tine, simti cum dispari ca identitate, simti cum iti tremura sufletul de durere, cum zbiara sa-l eliberezi, sa nu-l mai supui unui asemenea tratament.

Pentru ce atata suferinta? La capatul drumului te asteapta o persoana fara inima, cu sufletul rapus de atata suferinta... acea persoana esti tu...
O vezi, ai vrea sa o iei pe alta ruta, pe un alt drum, dar numai unul este drumul in povestea aceasta, doar cel pe care mergi acum si de pe care ai vrea sa te abati dar nu poti. Pentru ce te-ai indragostit? Pentru ce ai trait? Pentru el? De ce a fost si este el ratiunea ta? De ce? De ce? Te intrebi :Doamne de ce?

Pentru ce permiti sa se chinuie atat? De ce exista liberul arbitru? De ce nu vine o forta sa te ia din ghearele iubirii asteia care iti mistuie corpul, mintea si sufletul.

Sa traiesti fiecare zi la fel, sa simti cum te sfarsesti de durere zilnic, ai vrea sa-ti sfasii hainele de pe tine, ai vrea sa rupi bucati de carne din trupul blestemat la durere, ai vrea sa musti din durerea care nu te lasa sa respiri. Ai vrea sa inchizi ochii si printre lacrimi sa-ti vina somnul, sa adormi si sa te trezesti cand durerea a disparut, ai vrea sa respire, ai vrea sa traiesti dar blestamata asta de iubire nu-ti da pace.

Ai vrea sa iesi, sa urli pe strada, poate asa scapi de durere; ai vrea sa uiti si sa nu-ti mai amintesti ca traiesti, ai vrea... dar nu se poate. Atunci ce se poate? Ai putea sa pleci si sa lasi totul in urma ta, sa se aleaga praful si pulberea de iubirea asta blestemata care nu te lasa sa traiesti.

De ce nu pleci? Pentru ca simti cum te doare, pentru ca simti ca nu mai ai aer? Pentru ca lasi zece ani in spate? Pentru ca trebuia sa fie sotul tau? Pentru ca ai crezut in el, doar in el? Pentru ca era special? Pentru ca merita fiecare clipa din viata ta blestemata? Pentru ca toate visele si idealurile tale sunt el? Pentru ca ar insemna sa te sinucizi sufleteste? Pentru toate astea nu poti pleca?

Ai putea sa ramai si sa te sinucizi langa el, traind cu durerea in suflet, speranand la o iubire care nu va veni niciodata, asteptand ca un copil orfan o bucata de ciocolata. Nu vei primi nici ambalajul... asteptand o zi in care sa zambesti pentru ca esti fericita. Dar ziua aceea nu va veni decat prea tarziu cand durerea iti va fi inclestata pe fata si nu vei mai putea zambi.

A ramane inseamna a te condamna la transformare, vei fi persoana de la capatul drumului, o persoana fara viata, un om fara viitor, un om cu un trecut si atat. Este suficient sa iubesti, sa oferi totul neconditionat, sa speri, sa tresari cand el respira, sa respiri pentru el, sa traiesti pentru el? Oare de ce te incapatanezi sa ramai? Oare nu-ti ajunge?

Care este limita ta? Unde este? Mai e mult pana acolo? Vei mai iubi vrodata? Vei mai crede vreodata? Vei mai visa? Poate.. Poate ce? Poate da, poate nu...

Friday, October 27, 2006

Metrosexualul- un mit urban contemporan

Vi se pare ca din senin, din iarbă verde, a apărut un cuvânt stâlcit, confuz şi poate chiar jenant, desprins de pe buzele celor care vor să epateze şi să intimideze necunoscătorii? Îm acelaşi timp, fără să fi auzit vreodată acest cuvânt, sintagma ‘bărbaţi sensibili” va trimite cu gandul la o categorie mai putin dezirabila de barbati din zilele noastre, cu care n-ati prea avut de-a face si cu care nici n-ati prea vrea?

Atunci nu va faceti griji: nu sunteti nici primii, nici ultimii care simt la fel. Daca peste ocean exista o intreaga bibliografie dedicata subiectului, in Romania zvonul circula ca un microb: necunoscut, neinteles si adesea ignorat. Singura traducere a unei carti de specialitate din literatura americana aparuta de curand pe piata cartii romanesti nu a avut darul sa risipeasca confuzia. Cine este metrosexualul?

Bărbatul metrosexual este cel care merge la cumpărături (cu partenera sau singur), şi asta pentru ca il intereseaza moda. Cel caruia ii plac hainele, atât să le caute, cât şi să le achizitioneze. Se pricepe la tehnologia de ultima generatie şi apreciază o maşină bună la fel de mult precum noile tendinte vestimentare. Ştie ce înseamnă o cremă exfoliantă, deoarece o foloseste in mod firesc. Mai mult decât atât, barbatul metrosexual foloseste cel puţin trei produse pentru păr şi chiar le ştie denumirea. O veste buna este ca se pricepe la gătit, şi bineînţeles, cunoaste şi vinurile cel mai bine asortate.

Excesul de mâncare iese din discuţie in cazul lui, din simplul motiv că silueta este o cerinta obligatorie a infatisarii metrosexuale: nu musculoasa, dar bine definita. Metrosexualul este cel care nu se sfieste să calculeze caloriile necesare păstrării siluetei. Nu il veti vedea lenevind pe canapea, la meciuri, cu o bere alături. Sau să tragă de fiare în loc să practice kickboxing sau chiar tae-bo.

Unde il poti intalni? Oriunde exista o metropola.Apreciaza metropola pentru ca ii ofera ocazia să se afişeze cat mai vizibil cu putinţă. Intr-adevar, se simte atras mai ales de locurile mondene: restaurante bune, cluburi de golf sau alte instituţii exclusiviste (precum dandy epocii trecute). Profesiile predilecte sunt cele din domeniile media, modelling, muzică, sport, dar acestea nu acoperă aria sa de răspândire, deoarece îi putem întâlni şi în posturi mai modeste, precum cea de chelneri.

Atunci, ce e in neregula cu metrosexualul? Parca nici n-ar fi barbat, s-ar putea spune. Pare să se încadreze perfect tiparului homosexual, impresie contrazisă însă de pasiunea declarată pentru femeile frumoase şi moderne.Si confuzia continua....

Se remarcă în ultimii ani tot mai multe indicii ale unei incertitudini generale legată de viitor si de identitatea fiintei moderne. Iată-ne ajunşi în epoca în care parametrii definitori ai individului sunt discutaţi de pe alte poziţii: colonizarea spaţială, clonarea, trecerea graniţelor sexualităţii etc.

Schimbările economice şi sociale au distorsionat substanţial aşteptările de viaţă ale multor bărbaţi şi femei. Ideile tradiţionale despre masculinitate sunt serios rediscutate începând cu a doua jumătate a secolului al XX-lea. Se pare că în mileniul al treilea o nouă tipologie masculină îşi revendică teritoriul. Vechile simboluri masculine sunt înlocuite de o vanitate estetica si grijă faţă de aspectul exterior. Metrosexualul este mai mult decat o „papusa de stofa”- este un produs al marketingului care dicteaza un nou stil de viata.



Un articol de Raluca Ionescu

Raluca Ionescu este autoarea cartii "Metrosexualul. Un mit urban contemporan", rezultatul a peste doi ani de studiu, sustinere de workshopuri si seminarii la Universitatea de Vest din Timisoara.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Now for US some tips...


Get to know your body ...

Learning about what your body likes and how it reacts to different sensations will help you relax in intimate situations and focus on your sexual needs.
Preparation
* Allow at least 30 minutes for this exercise.
* Switch off the phone, lock your door and make sure you won't be disturbed

Many people ignore the sensual pleasures of their body, preferring to focus on genital stimulation. But doing this cuts you off from so much potential intimacy and pleasure and can often lead to goal-orientated sex that may be disappointing.

Bathtime
Run yourself a bath, making it deep and warm. (If you don't have a bath, a shower will do.) Add a favourite bath foam or oil, step in and relax.

Focus on the warmth of the water. Do you feel it differently on various parts of your body? How does the water feel as it moves over you? Notice the varying textures of your skin and the areas that are most sensitive to touch.

Finishing touches
Once you're out of the bath, dry yourself with a warm towel. Focus on how this feels. Does your body prefer being dried gently? Or vigorously? Perhaps the feelings differ across your body.

Now explore your body from head to toe, perhaps while applying a body lotion. Think about what kind of touch different parts of your body enjoy.

Experiment with different pressure and strokes, noticing what direction your body prefers. Spend some time touching your chest, particularly your nipples. This can be a pleasurable area for many men as well as women.

Move your hands down your body to focus on your stomach, hips and bottom, and finish with your inner thighs.

Your feelings
Throughout the exercise, think about how you feel. Relaxed? Invigorated? Pampered?

If you feel guilty or silly spending so much time on yourself, remind yourself that if you know your body better you're likely to enjoy sex more.


Genital touching - men
Many men only touch their genitals to masturbate, scratch or urinate, and by doing so miss out on learning about different types of touch.

Preparation
* Try to allow at least 45 minutes for this exercise.
* Switch off the phone, lock your door and make sure you won't be disturbed.
* Make sure your room is warm and comfortable.
* You'll need a hand mirror.
* It might help to start with the Get to know your body exercise first.

Know yourself
If this exercise makes you a bit self-conscious, remind yourself that the better you know your body, the better your sex life will be.

Getting sexually aroused isn't the aim of this exercise, although it may happen. You'll find the feelings will soon subside.

As you repeat these exercises, you'll become more receptive to a variety of touch and any over-sensitivity should decrease quickly.

Texture and temperature
Run your fingers over your penis and scrotum. Notice the different textures and the weight in your hand. Can you feel a change in temperature as you continue to touch?

Use a hand mirror and look at the underside of your penis and scrotum - it's a view you may not have seen before. See how it all fits together and explore the area between your scrotum and anus called the perineum. How does this feel?

Remember - the appearance of genitals varies greatly from man to man. The size and shape of penis varies, as do the testicles. There's no 'normal' standard. You're unique.

Explore
If you press just above the base of your penis you can feel your pubic bone. Place your thumb here and one finger in front of your scrotum, just below the penis and above the testicles. Squeeze gently and you'll feel the tube that connects the testes to the urethra, near the base of the bladder (vas deferens).

Experiment
Try different types of touch on your penis. What differences do you notice along the shaft, the base, the ridge at the top, the head?

Be aware of which strokes and touches you enjoy most. Notice which areas of your penis and scrotum are more sensitive than others.


Pelvic floor exercises for men
Increasing the strength of your pelvic floor muscles through regular exercise will help you get the most from sex. Psychosexual therapist


Preparation

Before you start, you have to locate the muscles in question. You can do this by stopping your flow of urine next time you go to the loo. The muscles you use to do this are your pelvic floor muscles.

The benefits
Regular exercise of the pelvic floor muscles - namely the pubococcygeus muscles that support the penis, bladder and rectum - has many health benefits, including:

* improved blood circulation to the genital area, which helps arousal
* stronger and more pleasurable orgasms
* a greater feeling of control and confidence over ejaculation
* improvement in the angle of erection
* avoiding urinary incontinence

The exercises
There are two different exercises you can do. The first helps to increase muscle bulk and strength while the second helps to improve your endurance.

Exercise 1
The first exercise involves pulling the muscles in and holding for a count of 10 seconds. To be sure you're focussing on your pelvic floor muscles, make sure you're not holding your breath, or tensing your abdomen or buttocks. Repeat 10 times.

Exercise 2
For the second exercise, as before, pull the muscles in, ensuring you're only using the pelvic floor muscles, and this time hold for 30 seconds. Repeat 10 times.

You should try and do these exercises every morning and every evening. It doesn't matter if you do them lying down, sitting or standing, the important thing is that you do them regularly. It may take up to 12 weeks for you to notice some of the benefits listed above, but then you'll definitely notice them!

Sex and sex exercises for you and not only...


Try these at home!
These exercises use techniques employed by psychosexual therapists to help people get the most from their sex life. Some are to be done on your own and some with a partner - and the idea is to have fun!

Sensate focus
Touching is an important part of any sensual relationship, but is all too often forgotten. Here i decribe sensate focus, a series of exercises designed to help couples become more comfortable with touch and build trust and intimacy.

Preparation

* This exercise takes about an hour, so make sure you put aside enough time.
* Start by preparing your space (Take a moment to think about the look of the room. Do a quick tidy-up if you want and definitely make sure there are no unfinished jobs that could catch your eye. Spying a huge pile of ironing tends to kill the mood.
A quick tip is to invest in a satin throw to set the scene wherever and whenever you want to make love.Think about the lighting, too. Tinted light bulbs can change the mood of the room, or alternatively nothing beats candles for a touch of romance and candlelight.What do you want to hear while you're making love? Would you like background music? What mood would you like to create?Whether you choose energetic and pumping tunes or something a little more relaxing and ambient, beware of distracting lyrics. And make sure it's quiet enough so you can still hear your partner.There are a number of ways you can create atmosphere with scents. You could burn incense sticks or light a scented candle. Whichever you choose, try them out beforehand. Some of them are really pongy!An oil burner can be a good investment as there's a huge range of essential oils for different moods. Ylang-ylang is generally considered one of the most sensual. Alternatively, just spray your favourite scent around the room (but be sparing). )
* You'll be naked, so put the heating on at least an hour before so you'll be warm enough.
* Make sure you won't be disturbed. Unplug the phone and lock your door.


Ground rules

Before you start, it's important that you both agree this isn't a prelude to sex and genital touching is out of bounds. You may find you become aroused during the exercise, but this isn't the aim.

Take it in turns to be the touched and the toucher.

The touched
You just need to lend your partner your body for 30 minutes: 15 minutes lying on your front, then 15 on your back.

You don't need to say anything unless something's uncomfortable.

The toucher
Explore your partner's body from head to toe, first the back then the front. Avoid the genital area.

Focus totally on your sensations of touch. Think about the different textures and temperatures of your partner's body.

Think about how it feels to use hard and soft, long and short strokes. Use your fingertips, palms and the back of your hands.

Remember - this isn't a massage. The point is to focus on the pleasure of touching your partner, not giving pleasure. You can do that another day.

When you've finished swap over.
After the hour's up, don't analyse it straight away. In fact, agree that you won't talk about it for 24 hours. This will help you focus on the sensory experience, rather than rationalising the process.

Sensual touching techniques
By discovering how responsive your bodies are to certain sensations you and your partner can heighten your potential for sexual arousal.
Preparation

* This exercise should take an hour, so leave yourself enough time.
* Before you start you could prepare your space.
* You'll be naked, so put on the heating an hour before so you'll be warm enough.
* Collect some different textured objects (soft, silky, smooth, warm, cool etc).

The partner being touched
Lie naked on a bed or wherever's comfortable. If you're brave enough, you can be blindfolded to heighten the experience.

The secret of success is to make sure you're lost in the moment. Allow yourself to feel every sensation to the full by thinking of nothing else. Remember to give feedback to the toucher.

The partner doing the touching
Before you start, you could use an old-fashioned hairpin to find your partner's non-genital erogenous zones. Slowly run the hairpin over their body. Most of the time they'll only feel one point of contact, but on the highly sensitive erogenous zones they'll feel both.

It's your job to provide a wide range of different stimuli for your partner to experience. Work from head to toe experimenting with a range of different objects and textures.

Try using a silk scarf or a soft blusher brush. Can your partner tell the difference between suede, leather and velvet? How about rubber or a feather? Now try touching with a massage roller or ball.

Experiment with different pressures and different strokes too. Heighten the sensory expectation by making random rather than predictable movements.
Remember to ask what feels good and what feels best.
When you've had enough, swap roles. But be warned - it could be a long night!

Erotic bath
An erotic bath uses a combination of scent, sight and touch to relax, stimulate and satisfy both you and your partner.

Preparation
You'll need:
* candles
* bath oils, gels and scented soaps
* large, warm, fluffy towels
* loofahs, flannels, sponges

Set the scene
Get in the mood by packing every safe and available surface in your bathroom with candles, then turn the lights out.

Scents and oils
Fill your bath with hot water, and add a generous amount of bath oil or gel for that touch of luxury. You could also use incense or burn essential oils in a purpose-made burner.
Sexy scents:
* jasmine
* rose
* orange blossom
* sandlewood
* ylang-ylang
* ice cubes

Herbal mixtures
Most of these come in sachets or as tea bags so just throw a few of your chosen ones into your bath.

These herbs are said to be stimulating:
* lavender
* lemon verbena
* rosemary
* sage
* thyme

These are said to be relaxing:
* chamomile
* jasmine
* limeflower
* vervaine

Dissolve stress
Listen to the sound of lapping water, watch the flicker of candlelight and revel in the soothing sensation of oils and foam.

When you're fully relaxed, use a brush or a loofah and plenty of shower gel or soap to work up a lather. Scrub each other all over and add a blast of cold water or rub an ice cube on sensitive spots to get your skin tingling.

Follow with soft flannels and sponges to soothe and smooth. The key throughout is contrast: use scratchy back brushes followed by smooth oils, and have ice cubes on hand to stimulate your heated bodies.

Finish by wrapping each other in large, warm towels.

Make an aphrodisiac meal
Sex and food have always been linked, and no more so than when it comes to aphrodisiacs.

Preparation

* Set the table so you have a nice place to eat.
* Buy a range of small treats and finger foods.

Mood food
Certain foods have a reputation for putting you in the mood for love. For example, the sight, smell and taste of oysters is reputed to put a woman's lover in mind of her intimate parts, while asparagus is equally suggestive to a man's partner.

Whether these foods are actually aphrodisiacs is debatable. It's not widely thought that they can affect your sexual organs or sexual desires to make you any more aroused, but using aphrodisiac foods or drinks as part of your seduction technique can bring something extra to your sex life.

Cupboard love
Spend time preparing your meal together. Simply sharing this task can bring you closer.

Choose foods that have to be assembled by hand - either laid out on plates, or sliced, mixed and stirred.

Don't be afraid to get cream, peanut butter, tomato sauce or anything else all over you and your partner.

Treat each other
Tiny treats and special nibbles (peaches, figs, spears of asparagus, etc) are the best foods to choose. They don't have to be expensive or exotic, just things you can pick up and eat with your fingers.

As you prepare your feast, feed little bits of food to each other.

The proof's in the pudding
One couple who found their relationship took a turn for the better when they started making their evening meals together are Mick and Siobhan.

Mick, who'd been brought up to expect men to stay out of the kitchen, found a whole new meaning to the term 'food lovers' as he and his partner Siobhan got into the habit of slicing and dicing, stir-frying and sautéing together.


Blind taste
Blindfolds and food have always had their places in sexual games, and they're a great way to bring fun and eroticism into the bedroom. Blind tastings build intimacy between you and your parnter.

Preparation
* Before you begin, switch off the phone, lock the front door and make sure you won't be disturbed.
* Find a big throw or sheet to cover the bed - things may get messy!
* Get a blindfold or silky scarf long enough to tie round each other's eyes.

Go shopping
You can have whichever foods you like, but the wider the range the better. Think about the texture and smell of the foods, as well as the taste.
Here are some suggestions:

* exotic fruits
* yoghurts
* cheeses
* anything from the deli counter
* a range of crisps
* different types of bread
* sugary, syrupy, chocolate desserts

And don't forget to have some drinks to wash it all down - a choice of fruit waters, perhaps, or alcohol if you prefer.

Take it in turns
Blindfold your partner and gently caress the chosen food across their lips. Can they guess what it is by the texture? Can they describe how it feels and smells?

Slowly and tantalisingly, let them have a very small taste. Can they guess what it is now? If not, they may need a bigger bite.

Work your way through the foods, taking turns wearing the blindfold. Don't take it too seriously. Have a laugh, but don't be tempted to be cruel. Keep the chillies out of it!

Once you've finished, think about the following:

* How it felt to be so dependent on your partner?
* How did it feel to be in control?
* Did you have any feelings you weren't expecting?


Give a massage
Massaging each other can make you and your partner feel relaxed, sexy, valued and wanted.
Preparation
* Find somewhere warm and comfortable where you won't be disturbed.
* Spread out a large towel or sheet for your partner to lie on.
* Make sure your hands are warm - dunk them in hot water to take away any surface chill.
* You'll need a base oil and perhaps add a few drops of an essential oil for scent.

The benefits
Massage can be used as part of foreplay, or to help you get rid of stress. Just taking the time to touch and be touched can be a pleasure in itself.

It also helps you to learn about your partner's body and their responses to contact, and reminds you of your connection and commitment to each other.

What to do
Spread a sheet or towel on the floor or bed and toss a coin to see who'll be first to have the massage.

If you're giving the massage, pour out a generous handful of oil, warm it up in your hands and begin by stroking and rubbing the neck, shoulders and back.

Base oils you could use:
* almond
* sunflower
* apricot kernel

Essential oils you could use:
* rose
* jasmine
* sandalwood
* ylang-ylang

Pass the oil all over your partner's body, kneading and pressing as you go. You can also try lightly scratching, slapping and nipping.

Listen to and feel their reactions to get directions about what feels good.
When you're being massaged

Pay attention to the sensations you feel when being massaged - you may be surprised by which parts of your body react and what types of stimulation lead to arousal. Make mental notes for later.

Difficulty ejaculating...sounds intimate?...does'nt? Good for you !

Some men find it difficult to ejaculate when they have sex,difficulty in ejaculating is known by doctors as retarded ejaculation. Although men who suffer from this problem may be fully sexually aroused during sex and enjoying the stimulation, orgasm seems to take for ever and may not happen at all.

Retarded ejaculation (RE) can be a very distressing condition. Sufferers can feel embarrassed, isolated, confused and very frustrated.

Partners often blame themselves and feel inadequate, which puts even more pressure on the sufferer to perform and compounds the problem further.

Some men may have suffered from the condition all their life, in all sexual situations. Some will have no problem when masturbating alone, but tense up completely with a partner. Others may only have the problem during intercourse.

Retrograde ejaculation
Some men suffer from retrograde ejaculation, which is very different from retarded ejaculation. If you experience the sensation of orgasm but don't ejaculate, you're probably suffering from this. Instead of the semen being expelled, it's forced backwards into the bladder. Sufferers will sometimes notice that their urine is cloudy after orgasm. This condition is often a result of spinal injury, diabetes, neurological diseases or prostate surgery. It's important to seek treatment, as retrograde ejaculation can cause infertility if left untreated.

Physical causes
If you suffer from retarded ejaculation when you're masturbating as well as with a partner, then the cause may be physical. Check with your GP(medic familie) if you think any of these may apply to you:

* diabetes
* nerve damage
* prostate disease
* alcohol abuse
* prescription drugs such as betablockers or antidepressants


Change your habits
If you've always masturbated in exactly the same way, with exactly the same stroke and exactly the same pressure, your body may not know how to respond to anything different. Intercourse or a new partner is going to feel different. Try expanding your masturbatory repertoire. Gradually you should notice your body's increased sensitivity to a variety of touch.

Psychological blocks
The most common causes of RE are psychological. For some reason or another, your mind is blocking out the physical sensations and stopping ejaculation. Your body is telling you that you're ready - you have an erection to prove it - but your head may be trying to tell you something else. Possible psychological reasons include:

* You're a perfectionist. Sex is a performance and you must make it perfect for your partner. Sex has become all work and no play.
* You're scared to lose control. This may be a character trait in many areas of your life, not just sexually.
* You're worried that you're not a good lover. You can't enjoy your physical sensations if you're worrying about your sexual prowess and ability to please your partner.
* Deep down, you believe sex is wrong. Shame or guilt about sexuality due to negative childhood messages or a sexual trauma will prevent your enjoyment.
* You're distracted. Concerns about work or other tasks mean your mind's not on the job.
* You're spectating. Concentrate on the physical sensations of love making - slip-off into your favourite fantasy. This will free you from feeling too conscious of reaching a climax.
* You're unhappy. If you're feeling angry or insecure with your partner, you may struggle to feel relaxed enough to enjoy yourself. Try to sort out relationship tensions before you get to the bedroom.


Self-help tips and exercises

* Make sure you're feeling relaxed. Try breathing exercises or buy a relaxation tape.
* Enjoy being sensual first, taking time to focus on pleasurable sensations.
* Escape into your favourite fantasy to block out any negative thoughts or distractions.
* Try different positions to maximise stimulation.
* Strengthen your pelvic floor muscles.


More help
If some of these points have rung a bell for you, you may find that simply talking it through with your partner will help. Or you may both decide to try the support and guidance of a psychosexual therapist.
A generally useful book on men and sex is The New Male Sexuality by Bernie Zilbergeld (Bantam Doubleday Dell).

Premature ejaculation ...

Between 30 and 40 per cent of men are believed to suffer from the frustrating condition called premature or rapid ejaculation. The good news is that it can be successfully treated.

Definitions of premature ejaculation have ranged from "coming within six thrusts" to "coming within two minutes" and even "coming before your partner". The last one can be particularly misleading if you have a partner who likes to take up to an hour to reach orgasm!

A simpler definition is that if you come before you want to and you feel you're not able to control it, then you're suffering from premature ejaculation (or PE for short).

Bear in mind that most men will come sooner than they'd like on some occasions, particularly if under stress or in situations of very high excitement. However, if you are unable to control when you come more than 50 per cent of the time, then it becomes a problem.

Some men may only suffer from PE when they're having intercourse. Some feel they come too quickly whatever the stimulation with a partner. Others feel they have little control even when they're masturbating alone.

The causes
PE sufferers aren't able to recognise what therapists call the "point of inevitability". This is a sensation that occurs just a few moments before ejaculation. Men who don't suffer from PE are able to recognise this sensation and either stop or change stimulation until the urgency has subsided.

Most commonly, men who suffer from PE will have had it throughout their sexual life and won't ever have noticed this "point of inevitability". There are a number of reasons why this might have happened. It may be that initially, sex was always rushed or was associated with feelings of guilt or anxiety.

Sometimes men become quick ejaculators because of partner pressure to "get it over and done with". Whatever the original cause, the body gets used to responding quickly and rapid ejaculation becomes the norm.

Very occasionally, premature ejaculation results from a physical condition such as a urinary tract or prostate infection

Very occasionally, premature ejaculation results from a physical condition such as a urinary tract or prostate infection. Recent research suggests that some men may have a physiological predisposition in the nervous system to ejaculate quickly. But for most men, ejaculation will often be quicker in times of stress or ill health.
Self-help techniques
There are a number of things you can do to help yourself to recognise the point of inevitability. You might choose to practise alone at first, then discuss it with your partner and ask them to help you overcome this problem. For more on ways to put these tips into action, see the section on practical exercises.

* Relax. This is the most important thing you can do. Have a bath, use deep-breathing techniques or buy a relaxation tape.
* Tackle relationship issues. Be sure that your head and heart are in the mood for sex as well as your body. If you're unhappy about something with your partner then sort it out first.
* Exercise your pelvic floor. Many men say they are able to delay ejaculation by squeezing or pushing their pelvic floor muscles.
* Stop and start. This is the most common technique used in psychosexual therapy. Practise stimulating yourself to the point just before ejaculation, then stop. Start again when the sensations have subsided. Repeat this three times. You should find the length of time before each stop gets gradually longer.
* Change strokes. If you feel you've gained more control with the stop-and-start technique, try changing your stroke to something less stimulating rather than stopping all together.
* Change positions. During intercourse, try the stop-and-start technique when the sensations become strong. When you're more confident, try changing positions rather than stopping.

Getting help
If these self-help techniques don't help - your GP(medic familie) might suggest a short course of antidepressants. The latest style SSRI's have the side affect of delaying ejaculation and may be prescribed purely for that purpose.

Further reading
There are lots of useful self-help books available on the market, including:

* The New Male Sexuality by Bernie Zilbergeld (Bantam Doubleday Dell)
* How to Overcome Premature Ejaculation by Helen Singer Kaplan (Brunner/Mazel)
* Coping with Premature Ejaculation by Michael Metz, Barry McCarthy (New Harbinger Publications)

Have you gone off sex?Dont worry ...


Many people go off sex for a while - especially during times of stress or after childbirth. But what if you don't regain your desire?

Losing interest
If you're single, or have made a conscious decision to be celibate, you may be quite happy without having sex for a while. But if you're in a relationship and you've just gone off it, not only are you missing out on the fun and intimacy sex can provide, but so is your partner. This can lead to powerful feelings of rejection and loss that can soon turn to resentment. Both partners can begin to doubt their sexuality and attractiveness.

Going off sex can be particularly disturbing for men. It's a common myth that men are always dying for it, so if you're not, both you and your partner maybe feeling left confused.

Common causes
Low sexual desire is rapidly becoming the most common issue treated in psychosexual therapy. There are a number of reasons why someone may initially go off sex, but often what happens is that even when the original cause has long gone, couples may find it very difficult to restart their sexual relationship.

In some cases, going off sex may start as a symptom of another sexual problem. For example:difficulty reaching orgasm, impotence or painful intercourse. If this maybe the cause, read the information on those conditions too.

For a few, the problem may be physical. But in the majority of cases it's the result of negative thoughts or feelings. The most common ones are:

* Poor self-esteem. If you don't feel good about yourself you'll find it difficult to see yourself as a sexual person. Your partner will be seeing a very private side of you and that takes confidence.
* Relationship issues. If you're feeling angry, upset or in any way insecure about your relationship, you need to address these issues before you can expect to feel sexual towards your partner. Try talking things through with them or going for couple counselling. Some couples struggle to feel desire for their partner because they say they feel too close. The relationship feels too much like brother and sister and sex may feel inappropriate. Sex therapy can help these couples see each other in a new light.
* Partner problems. It's a sensitive subject, but a common cause of going off sex is a partner who turns you off. It might be a physical or hygiene issue, perhaps they have a habit that makes you switch off or they're not a very skilled lover. Honesty is the only way to get round this. (See I'd like you to... for some tips.)
* Bad experiences. An inhibited childhood or a particular traumatic experience might have left you with negative feelings about sex.
* Fears. There may be powerful fears of pregnancy or getting an infection. Talking through these things with your partner or a counsellor may help.


Other possible reasons
Any illness, disability or change in your lifestyle that leaves you tired, in pain or feeling low about yourself will have an indirect affect on your sex drive. The following have a direct effect:

* depression
* childbirth
* alcohol and drug abuse
* illness or damage to testes or ovaries, which can affect hormone production
* illnesses such as some pituitary conditions, hypothyroidism, cirrhosis or stress
* certain prescription drugs


You may find it useful to see your GP(medic familie) if any of the above apply.
Tips for increasing desire
* Relax. This is the most important thing you can do. Have a bath, use deep-breathing techniques or buy a relaxation tape.
* Check your environment. Be sure there are no distractions to you becoming aroused and that the atmosphere suits your mood.
* Exercise your pelvic floor. This will increase the blood flow to your genital area and make you more conscious of any sensations of physical arousal.
* Try using fantasy. Get yourself in the mood by slipping into a favourite fantasy.
* Enjoy being sensual before you're sexual. Take your time and allow your body focus on the pleasurable sensations of touch.
* Change your view. Get sex into the forefront of your mind by reading or watching something more raunchy than you'd normally choose.
* Focus on positives. If there's something about your partner or yourself you don't like, don't think about it. Force yourself to look at and think about the positives, instead.
* Stimulate your sympathetic nervous system. Exercise, watch a scary movie, go on a roller coaster - anything that will speed up your heart rate. Research suggests that 15 to 30 minutes later your body is more sexually responsive.

Further help
If none of the self-help techniques work for you, you might want to ask your GP for advice. Alternatively, the support and guidance of a psychosexual therapist may help.

Books
The Sex Starved Marriage, Michele Weiner Davis (Simon and Schuster UK)
Rekindling Desire, Barry McCarthy, Emily McCarthy (Brunner Routledge)

Impotence

Impotence is a common problem, affecting one in ten men.

Impotence or erectile dysfunction is defined as the inability to achieve or sustain an erection that's hard enough or lasts long enough to complete sexual intercourse or another chosen sexual activity. It affects at least one in ten men, which means there are about 2.3 million sufferers in the UK.

Many men suffer for years without seeking treatment. This may be because they're too embarrassed to seek help or they're unaware that there are treatments available.

What causes it?
Most men will experience an occasional failure to get an erection. This can usually be put down to stress, tiredness, anxiety or too much alcohol. In these circumstances it's nothing to worry about.

In the past it was thought that more frequent impotence was caused by almost entirely psychological factors, but we now know that physical conditions are present in about 70 per cent of cases. However, the majority of men with erectile dysfunction experience a combination of psychological and physical causes.

Physical causes
Men whose impotence is due to a physical cause often find they gradually lose the ability to have an erection, and it tends to happen with all sexual activities. These physical causes may include:

* diabetes
* hardening of the arteries, which can lead to high blood pressure, angina or poor circulation
* kidney disorders
* multiple sclerosis or other neurological diseases
* high cholesterol
* side effects of prescribed drugs
* heavy smoking
* alcoholism and drug abuse
* pelvic surgery


Psychological causes
If you experience a sudden onset of impotence and can still achieve erections in some circumstances but not in others, the cause may be psychological. Psychological causes can include:

* stress and anxiety from work or home
* problems within your relationship
* worrying about poor sexual satisfaction
* depression
* sexual boredom
* performance anxiety
* unresolved sexual orientation


Sometimes the triggering factor can be easily identified, such as an argument or major disagreement with your partner. Or it might involve being interrupted while making love or excessive worry about areas such as work, family life or finances.

Treating impotence
It's important to remember that over the past few years there have been major advances in the treatment of impotence and the majority of sufferers can now be treated effectively.

Discuss the problem with your partner - a problem shared is a problem halved. For example, it may be your partner is unintentionally putting pressure on you to "perform". Discussing the problem with them may relieve this pressure and enable you to have an erection again.

Look at your lifestyle. Are you a heavy smoker? Do you drink a lot of alcohol? Do you suffer from stress and anxiety? Cutting down on your alcohol intake or giving up smoking could make all the difference. Try to reduce stress and anxiety by finding ways to relax.

If the problem persists, see your GP. You could also ask to be referred to a clinic that deals with sexual dysfunction. You can get a list of your local clinics from the Sexual Dysfunction Association. See related links.

Treatments available
* Psychosexual therapy. When psychological factors or relationship problems are considered to be the cause of your impotence, a course of sex therapy or couples therapy might be recommended. Therapy's very useful in helping you to re-establish a sexual relationship with your partner when there's been a long period without sex.
* Vacuum pumps. A device involving a plastic cylinder and pump is used to make blood rush to your penis, enlarging it in a similar way to an erection. When you remove the pump, the erection is sustained by slipping a tension ring around the base of the penis.
* Injections. You or your partner will be taught by a nurse or doctor to inject a drug directly into the shaft of the penis when you want an erection. An erection usually follows within 15 minutes. The procedure is easy to learn.
* Transurethral therapy (Muse). This involves taking a small pellet of a drug, about half the size of a grain of rice, via the urethra (the tube through which urine is passed) using a special disposable applicator. The drug is absorbed through the urethra directly into the erectile tissue of the penis, giving an erection within five to ten minutes.
* Viagra. This drug is taken in tablet form one hour before sexual activity. It then remains active for three to four hours. Viagra won't work without sexual stimulation. It's not an aphrodisiac and doesn't increase sexual desire.
* Uprima. Uprima is a tablet which is taken under the tongue. You place the tablet under your tongue and wait for it to dissolve, which can take about ten minutes. It acts within 15 to 25 minutes and can be effective for up to two hours. Uprima won't work without sexual stimulation.
* Cialis. This drug comes in tablet form and can be taken from 30 minutes before sexual activity. With sexual stimulation Cialis may be effective for up to 36 hours after taking the tablet. Like Viagra, it's not an aphrodisiac and doesn't increase sexual desire.
* Levitra. This tablet should be taken 10 minutes to one hour prior to sexual activity. With sexual stimulation Levitra can be effective up to 12 hours after taking the tablet. Like Viagra and Cialis it is not an aphrodisiac and does not increase sexual desire.
* Hormone treatment. Only a small proportion of cases of erectile dysfunction are caused by hormone abnormalities. The most frequent hormone abnormality is a reduced level of the male sex hormone testosterone which can be restored by appropriate hormone replacement. It's unwise to take testosterone preparations unless you've had tests that confirm a deficiency.
* Penile prosthesis. You shouldn't consider a prosthesis (implant) until other forms of treatment have been tried. There are two types of implant. The semi-rigid type keeps the penis rigid all the time but lets you bend it downwards when you're not having sex. The hydraulic type is more sophisticated and causes the penis to stiffen when a pump (implanted in the scrotum) is activated.
* Surgical treatment. A few cases of impotence are caused by abnormalities in blood flow in and out of the penis and can be treated with surgery.

Sex therapy ...


What is sex therapy?
Sex therapy offers help for people with sexual problems. In the trade it's usually referred to as psychosexual therapy, or PST for short.

It's been around for over 40 years now, so it's not a newfangled trend. It has proven success rates and is a service which is regularly referred to by counsellors, GPs and other medical professionals.

Sex therapists are trained counsellors or medical professionals who've undertaken additional training in the physical and psychological issues associated with sexual functioning.

What sort of problems do therapists deal with?
The problems fit into three basic categories: can't get it up, can't get it in, can't be bothered. In fact, therapists tackle pretty much any sexual problem that isn't sorting itself out! It may be a problem you've had for ages or it might be something that's developed after a previously good sex life. You may know exactly what has caused your particular problem - or like many, you may be mystified.

Some sexual problems are purely physical. They could result from disability, illness or a side-effect of medication. Some are purely psychological, originating in negative childhood messages or sexual trauma. Or perhaps the problem stems from relationship difficulties. The majority of problems have a combination of physical and psychological elements.

Typical problems resolved
* Erection problems
* Ejaculating too quickly
* Difficulty reaching orgasm
* Painful intercourse
* Problems with penetration
* Can't get sexually excited
* Gone off it altogether
* Sexual addiction


What sort of people go?
There's no one type of person who sees a sex therapist. You may be gay, straight or bisexual. I've seen people in their teens and in their 70s. I've seen unemployed barristers, Muslim virgins and Anglican priests. If you have a partner who won't go for therapy, you may still find, as may have, that a few sessions on your own can be really helpful.

It seems to be harder for some people than others to ask for help about sexual problems. It's a very personal subject and most of us have been brought up with the myth that sex should always come naturally.

But, in reality, sexual problems affect pretty much everyone at some stage in their life. For some the problem resolves itself over time, but for others it's very valuable to call in the experts.

Remember that sex is meant to be fun. If your sex life isn't fun any more, think about going for some help.

How does it work?
First, your therapist will discuss the problem with you and help you identify if the cause is physical, psychological or a combination of the two. If you're in a relationship, you'll also explore if there are any unresolved tensions or anxieties that are significant.

You may decide that relationship counselling would be useful to resolve some particular issues. If that's the case, you may do that with your therapist or you may see someone else and then return to your therapist to sort out the sexual problem.

Your therapist will put together a personalised plan of exercises for you (and your partner if you've got one) to do at home. These exercises will help you grow in self-awareness, sexual knowledge and sexual skills. At the same time, they will help to persuade your body to respond to sensual and sexual stimulation and overcome your specific problem.

Addicted to sex ...or sexual addiction

Addicted to sex

Sexual addiction is hard for many people to take seriously, but for sufferers and their partners it can be devastating.
Experts define sexual addiction as any sexual activity that feels out of control. A sex addict feels compelled to seek out and engage in sexual behaviour, in spite of the problems it may cause in their personal, social and work lives.

Sexual addition can take many forms, but it's generally characterised by behaviour that feels out of control. This behaviour might include:

* excessive use of pornography
* compulsive masturbation
* exhibitionism
* voyeurism
* fetishes
* high-risk sex
* prostitution
* telephone or internet sex
* multiple affairs
* anonymous sexual encounters


Sex can become addictive in a similar way to alcohol and illegal drugs. During sex, our bodies release a powerful cocktail of chemicals that make us feel good. Some people get addicted to these chemicals and become obsessed with getting their next fix - their next sexual high. As with other addictions, the body also gets used to these chemicals, so the sufferer needs increasing amounts of sex to achieve the same buzz.

Between the highs of sexual and chemical fulfilment are the lows. These are often characterised by feelings of shame, regret, remorse and anxiety. Sex addicts can feel alone, isolated and powerless to change their behaviour. And so the cycle begins again, as they seek out sex as a way to escape these difficult feelings.


How common is it?
According to conservative estimates, between three and six per cent of the population experience sexual addiction, but it's likely that the real figure is much higher. As the addiction can be accompanied by feelings of shame and embarrassment, sex addicts often find it difficult to seek help.

There's no profile of a typical sex addict. Sufferers come from every walk of life and approximately 20 per cent are female. Women can have particular problems being taken seriously when they look for help for compulsive sexual behaviour.

Since the launch of the internet, with it's vast range of sexual services available cheaply and anonymously, professionals have seen a massive increase in sexual addiction. And with limited services available for sufferers, it looks as though the problem will continue to rise.

What are the signs?
Dr Patrick Carnes, a leading expert in sexual addiction, suggests there are ten possible warning signs:

1. Feeling that your behaviour is out of control
2. Being aware that there may be severe consequences if you continue
3. Feeling unable to stop your behaviour, despite knowing the consequences
4. Persistently pursuing destructive and/or high-risk activities
5. Wanting to stop or control what you're doing and taking active steps to limit your activities
6. Using sexual fantasies as a way of coping with difficult feelings or situations
7. Needing more and more sexual activity in order to experience the same high
8. Experiencing intense mood swings around sexual activity
9. Spending an increasing amount of time planning, engaging in or regretting and recovering from sexual activities
10. Neglecting important social, occupational or recreational activities in favour of sexual behaviour

The consequences
A survey of sexual addicts (source: Dr Carne's site, www.sexhelp.com) revealed that as a result of their behaviour:

* 70 per cent had severe relationship problems
* 40 per cent had lost a partner
* 27 per cent had lost career opportunities
* 40 per cent had experienced unwanted pregnancies
* 72 per cent suffered suicidal obsession
* 17 per cent had attempted suicide
* 68 per cent had been exposed to sexually transmitted infections


If you think you're a sex addict
If you've recognised any of the above in your own behaviour, the most important step you can take is to acknowledge that sexual addiction is a real problem that won't go away by itself. You must take personal responsibility for your recovery.

Most addicts find it very difficult to change their behaviour on their own. You may be able to minimise the behaviour for a while, but often the cycle is too strong. A professional therapist can help you to understand what's happening and encourage you to take steps to change to a healthier sexual lifestyle.

If your partner's a sex addict
If you suspect that your partner is a sex addict, chances are you've already tried to change their behaviour. Ultimately, though, no one can recover from an addiction unless they accept that they have a problem and want to change.

Being the partner of a sex addict is painful and confusing, but there's help available for you too. As well as individual therapy, there are a growing number of support groups.

Taboo Relationships ...

You might think that in this enlightened age anything goes as far as relationships are concerned, but that's not entirely true. Certain types of relationship are still frowned upon for a number of reasons:

* Safety
* Legal
* Because someone might get hurt

The dictionary describes taboo as 'A ban or an inhibition resulting from social custom or emotional aversion'. So what are these 'emotional aversions' in relationships, and how can you deal with them?

Forbidden Fruit
There are some people that are usually considered off-limits romantically, but you can't always control who you fall for. What happens when you find yourself going out with your boss, or fancying your best mate's mum?

* The reason it's often seen as taboo is that one of these people is often in a position of influence over the other. You need to be careful that this influence isn't abused by either of you.


* If the person you're going out with is senior to you at work you will also need to think carefully about how you will deal with things like office gossip, trouble from your/their boss, and what will happen to your working environment if your office romance goes horribly wrong.


* You should also know that some people in these positions of influence are legally not allowed to have a relationship with someone they are responsible for. This includes teachers and legal guardians (foster/adoptive parents etc), so your crush on your history teacher may have to be conducted from a safe distance.

Taboo: Age Gaps & Affairs
Mind the Gap
Whether it's a preference for the more mature man or you've fallen for an older woman, relationships with big age gaps can have all sorts of pitfalls:

* A boy or girlfriend who has more money than you may seem attractive, but it can also change the balance of a relationship. They may be able to afford to go to places you can't, and you may not like the feeling of being 'kept' if they pay for you all the time.
* Quite often someone who's older has "been there, done that". While experience can be attractive, it also means that he or she may not want to go out as often.
* While we're talking about experience, you may also find that an older person has very different expectations of sex. As in every sexual situation it's very important that you don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to, for whatever reason - check our advice on staying safe.

Secret Affairs
Affairs can be exciting; the thrill of doing something with someone you really shouldn't be with and the secrecy can all add to the drama of the relationship. But they are very destructive and the possibility that someone will get hurt is very real. Things to think about:

* Why are you having an affair? You're probably feeling unhappy in your relationship. To be fair to your boy/girlfriend you need to either sort this problem out or end the relationship honestly.
* What happens when you're found out? The person you have been unfaithful to will feel hurt and angry. If you want your relationship to survive you will need to rebuild the trust that has been betrayed, and this will take time.
 If you're the third person in a relationship you may want to think about why you're attracted to the situation, and bear in mind that if the affair ends you might have to cope alone.

Abusive Relationships
Physical Abuse
If you're living with, going out with or married to someone who is violent towards you, you might be feeling isolated and like no-one understands what you are experiencing. This is not the case - there are people who understand and who know what it feels like.

In relationships, violent behaviour can start at any time. People who experience domestic violence are usually female and those who cause it are often male. But men can be victims of violence by their female partners, too. And sometimes people in lesbian or gay relationships can be victims of abuse from their partner. Violence in relationships can take the form of:

* Physical abuse
* Sexual assault
* Threats of violence
* Belittling
* Withholding of finances
* Being held against your will


If your partner is abusing you, you may feel isolated from your friends and family. This is a common side-effect of emotional abuse and can have long-lasting effects.

People in abusive relationships often lose their confidence and begin to think that it's their fault. This is not true.

If in the first stages of your relationship you think there might be problems with violence, try to talk about it. There are lots of groups that can help couples deal with problems like this.

Alcohol and drug abuse
Alcohol and drug abuse can make the violence worse with some people and there are lots of counselling and self-help services available for people with drink or drugs related problems.

Children witnessing abuse
If you've got kids and they see abuse, they can be affected too - even in later life and even if they are not being physically abused themselves. Often parents (particularly mothers) are worried that if they do something about the problems in the home their children will be taken into care.

The Family Law Act 1996 protects victims of domestic violence and their children, and there are safe refuges and on-going support for families getting away from violent situations.

Transvestism- misunderstandings…

As a transvestite Andrew goes by the name of Caprice, here he discusses some of the more common misunderstandings surrounding transvestism.

One practice in modern life that isn't dealt with very often is that of the transvestite and transgender community, and there are a lot of myths and misunderstandings surrounding them:

Men who dress as women are gay.
Not always. Determining the sexuality of a cross-dresser is just as varied as determining the sexuality of the next person you pass on the street. There are a lot of sub-groups in the cross-dressing community and they all do it for a variety of reasons:

* Sissy: cross-dressers who dress purely for the amusement and pleasure of others. This is an extreme form of role-play and can involve dressing up in uniforms of occupations like nurse or school girl, and women's clothes in general. Most sissies are thought to be straight.


* Drag Queen: Very glamorous and flamboyant, drag queens are probably the most well known type of cross-dressers. A general rule of thumb is that most drag queens are gay; but as some transvestites adapt drag looks, it also covers straight and bisexual dressers.


* Transsexual: Transsexuals are sometimes seen as the butt of jokes ('I found out my wife was really a man'), however even here sexuality is not clear-cut. Transsexuals believe they were born in the 'wrong' body, and suffer from a condition known as gender dysphoria. Whether the individual chooses women or men following the surgery is a choice of the individual.


*Transvestite/Tranny/TV/Crossdresser: The terms are used interchangeably, but dressing ranges from those who wear women's lingerie under male clothes, to the man who goes shopping in the latest ladies fashions to the man who lives 24/7 as a women. It is impossible to classify what cross-dressing is to each tranny, statistics have shown that over 80% of cross-dressers are straight.


* It's wrong to wear women's clothing: No. How many women have you seen wearing trousers? Or baggy jumpers? It's no more incorrect for men to wear strappy sandals and backless dresses as it is for women to wear the aforementioned items. A lot of cross-dressing involves confidence and achieving a look you are happy with. Not to mention that cross-dressing is associated with glamour, decadence and excess. Even celebrities have adopted androgynous looks, women's clothes or drag. Wesley Snipes, Brad Pitt, Mick Jagger, David Bowie and even David Beckham have played with their feminine side.

Am I putting myself at risk?
No more than with anything else. Safety is all-important and it is up to the individual how far they wish to take their cross-dressing.

Should I tell me family/friends?

It depends on your personal situation. The biggest scenario every girl dreads is coming home to find her husband/boyfriend stretching her new dress and imitating a girl's voice. You know your friends best, and you must judge for yourself how they may react. As a tranny myself who has told my friends and family, I must admit it took an immense burden off my shoulders and let people into a side of my personality that some didn't see before.

This all sounds very heavy. Any good points?
Of course! Dressing is one of the coolest things around, as it is very creative and artistic. 'Girly' shopping (ie. shopping for the hell of it) is often a delight to cross-dressers, and the whole subject of fashion is open for discussion. There are plenty of clubs - both non-TV and TV based - that accept glamorous TV's through their doors. And whilst unspoken about, most girls do have a soft spot for guys willing to adopt the drag look! The possibilities are endless. Sadly, whilst most cities have several transvestite bars and clubs, smaller towns do not. Such bars/clubs will be listed in your local paper or guides such as City Life (Manchester) or Time Out (London).

Monday, October 23, 2006

Barbatul cu tigara

La Bucuresti este o vreme ploioasa si aceasta atmosfera mi-a amintit de o seara din viata mea pe care ti-o povestesc si tie acum.
Uneori merg mult pe jos, vreau sa-mi obosesc trupul in timp ce gindurile se aseaza. Lumea trece, straina, mi-e bine printre straini care n-au nici o legatura cu toate astea, cu povestile mele nerostite, inchise in carapace. Cu noptile mele de amor facut pe unde apuc...

Odata,demult, foarte demult, intr-o plimbare de-asta nocturna, am ales un strain de pe strada si m-am culcat cu el.Am ales, este un fel de a spune, caci alegerea a fost reciproca si nu atat de intamplatoare, caci noi nu intalnim pe nimeni, niciodata, intamplator... Era un tip frumos. N-am vrut sa-i stiu numele. Aveam nevoie doar de corpul lui. Trunchi de mascul dezinvolt. Statea stingher intr-o statie. Ploua. M-am oprit sa-i cer un foc.Nu fumez decat foarte rar si atunci din plictiseala sau din...nu stiu...Cert este ca n-am mai fumat de 2 ani de zile... Si la lumina jarului i-am privit ochii cum ma sorbeau. "E frig", i-am zis si-asa era . Frig. "Da, e frig", mi-a raspuns...

Si s-a lipit fara cuvinte de geaca mea. M-a acoperit tot fara cuvinte. Si mi-a mingiiat obrazul rece. A fost una din clipele acelea care ramin intiparite pe retina memoriei. Caci nici unul nu dorea nimic, doar putina caldura. Si totul a inceput de la jarul ala si tot asa s-a oprit.

Dar atunci n-a mai existat nimeni in mine, nici o amintire decit clipa aceea prelunga, cind aventura de o noapte-era toamna tirzie, erau ploi peste lume revarsate, era singuratate in aer, era deziluzie -s-a transformat in apropiere. Si apoi iar in departare. Dar atunci, straine, ai fost doar al meu, nu-i asa?

Mi-a ridicat barbia si barbia imi tremura. Nu, nu era emotie. Era doar o simpla dorinta. Sa ma apropii de carnea lui, de pieptul care se deschisese in fata mea, din senin, intr-o noapte stranie cind nu cautam nimic. Apoi am luat-o pe jos, mergind alaturi, fiecare cu singuratatea lui, cu melancolia trairilor mai vechi.

Mergeam pe jos si,desi nu-mi spusese unde mergem,eu stiam ca mergeam la el acasa. Tipau in noi doar ranile altora. Am stiut cum sa i le mingii, tradind in atingerile astea amintirile altora,a celorlalti pe care i-am iubit, dar niciodata asa, niciodata rupt din ploaie, niciodata smuls din intuneric.

Greutatea hainelor aruncate pe podea. Raceala trupurilor patrunse de picaturile vitrege, degetele care bateau darabana dragostei de o noapte, ca si cum ar fi stiut, ca si cum si-ar fi dorit apropierea asta. Ne-am daruit fara cuvinte, unul altuia ,doar gemete de extaz, e ciudat cum nimeni n-a simtit nevoia decit sa atinga, sa vindece, si sa nu puna nici o intrebare. Sa nu astepte nici un raspuns. Intr-adevar, la ce?

Fereastra era deschisa, gratiile tot acolo, un miros proaspat venea de afara, in timp ce noi ne sarutam patimas.Imi placea mirosul lui,se daduse cu un parfum cu aroma de tutun... Amantul meu fara nume avea miini frumoase, e vital asta cind ai o aventura, si buze aspre, care-mi zgiriau pielea, mici piscaturi erotice care ma faceau sa vibrez si sa gem iar. Undeva in interiorul meu pluteam a nerabdare. Ochii lui nu-mi paraseau reactiile, ma priveau cu luciditate amara, cumva cu teama de a nu-mi face rau.

Dar fiecare por al meu il dorea, fiecare sarut imi zvircolea alte si alte fagaduinte ale trupului uitate, special uitate. Ma decupam atunci ca si cum... ca si cind...nu stiu... sint obosit acum...Oare cum il chema?

Atunci n-am simtit nevoia sa-i stiu numele. I-am spus mult timp "barbatul cu tigara". Si l-am pastrat in memorie asa. "Barbatul cu tigara".

Este sfarsit de octombrie acum si e vreme ploioasa.Acest lucru imi aminteste de el.L-as chema acum daca as sti de unde sa-l iau. L-as chema si i-as spune: "uite, vezi,ploaia asta mi-a amintit de tine". Si el m-ar auzi vorbind. "E frig", i-as spune. "Da, e foarte frig", mi-ar raspunde...

Acelasi EDY

Iubirea de tip " e-mail "

Intr-o zi oarecare, fiecare dintre noi s-a trezit cuprins de foirul zburdalnic si nebunesc al iubirii.
Vibratiile amorului ratacesc pe Internet si se aseaza cu infrigurare pe imaginea dintr-o poza, uneori clara, alteori usor cetoasa, atat cat sa acopere asimetria ochilor sau "brunetia" accentuata a pielii.

Iubirea rade prin cuvinte si devine tot mai fulminanta pe masura ce citatele din marii filozofi ai lumii se constituie inteligenta proprie.Un citat din Tutea sau unul din Nichita Stanescu atrag amorul cum dulcele atrage un pogon de muste.Iubirea de tip "e-mail" este o azvarlire copioasa si adanca in adancurile iluziei.Pana cand personajele se vad, se intalnesc si se cunosc , franturi de nebunie, inchisa intre litere, prind a se urca spasmodic pe sufletelul omului singur, cuprins de nevoia de a iubi, mai mult decat iubirea in sine.

Stimulul renuntarii la capastrul aprig al singuratatii ramane aparatul acesta de memorat propozitii si de vorbit fara voce.Acolo, in fata unei hartii imaginare, se creeaza lumea unei iubiri imaginare.Pe Internet nu rasare soarele si nu fosneste marea, ca o poveste a abisului sufletesc sau ca o miscare a fiintei intre valurile zgomotoase ale vietii.

Un ceva artificial sfarseste prin a creste nevoia noastra de a evada spre viata, spre miscarea din ea.Este in iubirea "e-mail" fuga de nefericire si fuga spre fericire.Pulsiunile nervoase, nebune ale fiintei, care lupta cu artificialul prin folosirea artificialului.Cand te saturi de chat,visezi odihna.Si, cand iti ajunge la ureche nemuzicala durerea unui cantec ,visezi sa canti chiar tu.

E-mail-ul este forma prin care cautam fericirea.Este ciudat faptul ca stam in fata unui ecran si traim cu forta sentimentelor noastre iluzia unei conversatii.Cum izbuteste mintea sa creada intr-un om aflat la celalalt capat al...lumii totusi aproape?Cum se reduc distantele si visele prind contur in viata intr-o armonie si dizarmonie care izbesc cu putere direct in inimioara?

Sageata iubirii "e-mail" tinteste in inima iluziei noastre.Ne indragostim de imaginea unui necunoscut si,parca,de citatele care-i compun inteligenta.Iubim ceva din noi in cineva nevazut si, parca, zburdalnica noastra nevioe de a fi, de a trai prinde conturul unei nevoi imperioase.

Cata iluzie este in iubirea unei imagini?Cata imagine este in orice iubire?Cat iubim in inchipuire mai mult decat in realitate?Iluzia marii iubiri devine realitatea insasi, pentru ca realitatea sa-si piarda consistenta.Parca nu mai conteaza unde traiesti, daca simti in tine aceasta nemasurata si nebuna fosnire a marii iubiri.

Nu realitatea devine primordiala, cat iluzia ei.Ceea ce pare, este.Si ceea ce este, poate sa nu aiba nici o valoare.Atat timp cat investim afectiune, viata pare ca un cercel de diamant.Il porti cantand pe marile strazi ale lumii acesteia si, pentru o clipa, o zi sau pentru franturi de clipe si franturi de zile traiesti senzatia "regala" numita iubire.

Acelasi EDY

Colesterolul...

In acelasi timp, numarul celor afectati de maladii cardiovasculare este in crestere, acest lucru constituind una dintre cauzele principale ale mortalitatii intr-o serie de tari occidentale.

Medicii au lansat deja un semnal de alarma si toata lumea a inceput sa evite grasimile.
Pe de alta parte, au aparut deja alte probleme, intrucit grasimile si chiar si colesterolul insusi sint totusi indispensabile pentru buna functionare a organismului.

Cele doua feluri de colesterol

Diferentele de comportament manifestate de colesterol sint determinate de proteina de care este legat.

Lipoproteinele sint cele care transporta colesterolul in sistemul nostru circulator.
Cele de joasa densitate - LDL (low density proteins) transporta aproximativ 65 la suta din colesterolul sangvin, fiind responsabile de depunerile din artere.

Lipoproteinele de inalta densitate - HDL (high density proteins) sint un fel de eroi, deoarece ele distrug depozitele de grasimi de pe vasele sangvine si asigura circulatia colesterolului, fara a bloca arterele.

Care sint partile bune ale colesterolului

Toata lumea stie ca responsabil de atacurile vasculare, ateroscleroza si o multime de alte boli nu este altul decit colesterolul. Mai putina lume vorbeste insa de rolul lui esential in mentinerea starii de sanatate a organismului.

In timp ce colesterolul in exces este, intr-adevar, un pericol, lipsa lui este la fel de periculoasa.

El contribuie la metabolizarea carbohidratilor, intra in componenta tuturor membranelor din organism, este necesar pentru producerea hormonilor sexuali masculini si feminini, iar cel existent in piele este convertit, sub actiunea razelor de soare, in vitamina D.

Cum folosim grasimile in alimentatie

O buna alimentatie anti-colesterol nu inseamna deloc o alimentatie fara grasimi, ci din contra.
Esential este ca acestea sa fie insa alese in mod judicious.

Mentinerea ratiei zilnice de grasimi sub valoarea de 20-30 la suta din totalul caloriilor este vitala pentru mentinerea in limite normale a colesterolului.

In acelasi timp, cantitatea de grasimi saturate nu va depasi 10 la suta. Grasimile saturate provin, cu mici exceptii, din surse animale, iar grasimile animale contin colesterol.

Pe de alta parte, chiar daca un aliment nu contine colesterol, acest lucru nu inseamna ca el nu contine grasimi.

Se vor consuma deci alimente ce contin grasimi nesaturate, cum ar fi: pestele gras (somon, hering), untura de peste, ficatul de gisca sau rata, uleiuri polinesaturate (rapita, floarea-soarelui, porumb) si mononesaturate (masline, alune).

Grasimile saturate vor fi evitate: carnea grasa, mezelurile, untul si produsele de patiserie, carnea fiind inlocuita, pe cit posibil, cu peste.

Cum e la francezi

Statisticile din Occident arata ca francezii sint printre cei mai mari consumatori de grasimi, dar, in acelasi timp, ei sint cel mai putin atinsi de maladiile cardiovasculare.
Acest paradox i-a facut pe cercetatori sa inceteze vinatoarea colesterolului si pactizarea cu el.

Dupa cum se stie, antioxidantii neutralizeaza radicalii liberi, diminuind astfel riscurile maladiilor cardio-vasculare. Printre antioxidantii cei mai puternici se numara polifenolii, care se gasesc mai ales in simburii de struguri si in... vinul rosu.
Acesta este, fara indoiala, unul dintre factorii ce explica paradoxul francez: doua sau trei pahare de vin rosu pe zi (nu mai mult) asigura o cantitate suficienta de antioxidanti.

Ce alte alimente si nutrimenti reduc nivelul de colesterol

Printre alimentele care reduc nivelul de colesterol se numara: cerealele complete, care permit evacuarea colesterolului in exces la nivel intestinal, vegetalele din familia cruciferelor (conopida), vinetele, lintea, fasolea, soia, ceapa si usturoiul.
Licopenul continut in tomate este de asemenea un antioxidant foarte eficient, mai ales daca tomatele sint fierte. Fructele si legumele contin si ele principalele vitamine antioxidante: provitamina A, vitamina C si vitamina E. Cresterea colesterolului e generata si de alti factori.

Colesterolul nostru nu provine numai din alimentatie.

Ceea ce absorbim noi reprezinta doar 20-30 la suta din stocul nostru. Restul de 70-80 la suta este fabricat de propriul nostru organism.
Dar si in acest program personal de fabricare exista anumite diferente, datorate unor factori precum: factorii genetici si alimentatia.
In acelasi timp, exista numeroase cauze care produc cresterea nivelului de colesterol: fumatul, cofeina, stresul, medicamentele, aditivii alimentari sau poluarea mediului inconjurator.

Nu sunt “mijloace” pentru intemeierea unei familii

Casatoria intre gay nu este deloc doar o problema sociala, morala sau religioasa. Devine o problema asemanatoare cu a heterosexualilor misogini, daca vreti. Ideea ca toate “tipurile de familie” sunt benefice nu ajunge in mintea gay-lor cu usurinta. Spre deosebire de lesbiene, care sunt predispuse constant la dorinta de a avea copii si de a-si intemeia o familie, gay-ii sunt mai tematori. In afara comportamentului adolescentin sau chiar copilaresc pe care-l au, pe alocuri, la gay intalnim adesea spiritul aventurier si mai ales imaturitatea.

Adevarul este ca atat ca heterosexuali cat si ca homosexuali, barbatii sunt descurajati in procesul de maturizare. Ei primesc recompense pentru faptul ca au ramas imaturi, iar acest fapt este atat de real incat se considera privilegiati. Asemeni unui copil, ei cred ca totul li se cuvine. Unul dintre exemple este ca nu stiu cum sa reactioneze in fata unui refuz. Drama intervine cand acest fapt blocheaza abilitatile necesare pentru a relationa pe termen lung atat cu prieteni, cat mai ales cu parteneri de viata.

Un motiv care impiedica homosexualii sa se maturizeze il constituie imposibilitatea de a se casatorii, de a-si intemeia o familie. De ce? Gay nu au neaparat acea nevoie de continuitate, de linistea pe care o confera cuplul. Spre deosebire de lesbiene care stiu ca oricand pot avea copii, gay-ii sunt mult mai trecuti prin “chinuri”. Mai ales la noi in tara, unde este imposibil ca un cuplu gay sa poata infia un copil.

Atunci intervine suferinta, iar rezultatul este unul singur: neincrederea ca pot sa-si intemeieze o familie. Ce ramane de facut? Trecerea dintr-o relatie in alta si permanenta cautare…Fara sa stie, probabil, multi dintre gay cred ca isi cauta partenerul ideal, se poate intampla si asta, dar realitatea este ca acest “sprint” printre relatii isi are cu totul si cu totul alta cauza. Neputinta de a se “aseza la casa lui”. Desigur in Romania nu i se ofera absolut deloc mijloace de realizare a acestui vis. Dimpotriva. Sunt tari unde un cuplu gay se poate casatori si mai mult decat atat pot infia copii. Iata familia dorita si fericita (depinde doar de ei). In tara noastra este exclus deocamdata ca doi oameni care se iubesc, si care au acelasi sex, sa poata sa-si intemeieze familia dorita. In special gayii.

Sa nu mai vorbim despre o latura extrem de sensibila, serioasa si inevitabila. Din lipsa tolerantei din partea societatii pe de o parte, si a “exercitiului” pe de alta parte, intr-o familie gay cu copii, intervine o mare problema. Cine-i mama si cine-i tatal? Partenerii se sperie in primul rand ei insisi de acest semn de intrebare, dupa care “rumega” suficient aceasta mare problema incat dau bir cu fugitii. Iata cateva motive care, deocamdata, impiedica crearea unei familii adevarate de catre un cuplu gay.


Alina Tudor

Bun venit in lumea limbajului trupului!

Limbajul trupului este o forma reala si puternica de comunicare. Poate fi aproape imperceptibila sau uimitor de evidenta, iti poate reda dimensiunile a ceea ce cineva iti spune de fapt, fara sa mai tinem cont de ceea ce spune practic, verbal..

Limbajul trupului poate da chiar si o viziune interioara despre modul in care te priveste persoana respectiva. Din limbajul trupului,poti sa intelegi atat de multe lucruri din ceea ce o persoana ar vrea sa spuna cand nu vorbeste deloc.Majoritatea oamenilor folosesc in mod inconstient aceasta forma de comunicare. Exista semnale neverbale aproape universal valabile. De aceea neconcordanta intre ceea ce spune o persoana si comportamentul sau arata, de obicei, o intentie de a induce in eroare. Barbatii, de exemplu, cand privesc in jos si se freaca la ochi in timp ce vorbesc, este aproape sigur ca spun o minciuna !

Daca cineva duce mainile la fata - nas, ochi, gura, urechi - exprima nesiguranta, teama sau minciuna. Chiar si cei care fac un efort pentru a-si stapani miscarile corpului pentru a parea sinceri, prezinta modificari subtile, de scurta durata, ale mimicii, care ne ajuta sa detectam neconcordanta mesajului verbal si a celui nonverbal.

Gandeste-te la ceea ce vezi ca "tradeaza", uneori, privirea cuiva, mimica, tonul sau timbrul vocii. Aminteste-ti de ocaziile cand ai inteles, dintr-o strangere de mana, o imbratisare, un zambet, sau un simplu gest al capului mai mai mult decat ar fi putut spune cuvintele. Toate aceste semnale alcatuiesc un limbaj de baza deosebit de puternic care apare mult inaintea vorbirii, reprezentand mai ales trairi afective si atitudini. E posibil sa domini pe cineva sau sa fii la randul tau intimidat numai prin comportamente cum sunt privitul "de sus", cu insistenta, pozitia corpului sau a mainilor.

Prima impresie in momentul in care ne intalnim cu cineva ne-o facem din primul contact vizual, care este, de obicei fara cuvinte. Privim si suntem priviti, si asta e suficient ca sa stim ca cel din fata noastra este binevoitor, interesat, dornic sa ne asculte sau grabit si neatent.

Afli, uneori "dintr-o privire" ca ai trezit simpatia sau nu, si iti faci, la randul tau o parere despre persoana din fata ta.. Nu este nevoie decat de 1 minut pentru ca sa-ti formezi "prima impresie", atunci cand faci cunostinta cu cineva. E bine de stiut ca buna comunicare cu o alta persoana se poate realiza numai daca va priviti ochi in ochi.

Prin contactul vizual, exprimam atentia, acceptarea, increderea reciproca. In timpul unei conversatii, timizii, oamenii nervosi sau cei care mint, au tendinta sa-ti evite mai mult privirea, ceea ce creeaza un sentiment de nesiguranta sau neliniste. S-a constatat ca starnesc simpatia persoanele care mentin un bun contact vizual cu interlocutorul lor pentru cel putin 60% din timpul in care vorbesc. Daca procentul de intalnire a privirii depaseste 75%, este semn ca persoana este fie atrasa de tine, iar atunci ochii au pupilele dilatate, fie are o atitudine ostila, caz in care pupilele sale se contracta. Atunci cand ambele persoane pastreaza privirea la acelasi nivel, intre ele se stabileste o relatie de egalitate.

Un indiciu important al onestitatii il ofera pozitia deschisa a palmelor, orientate in sus. Ascunderea mainilor la spate sau in buzunare, strangerea pumnilor, incrucisarea mainilor cu palmele inchise sunt semnale negative, asociate cu o atitudine retinuta sau incercari de inducere in eroare. Gesturile cu palma orientata in jos exprima autoritate, dominare. S i aceasta descriere ar putea continua la nesfarsit , pentru ca sunt atatea semne care ne spun cate ceva sespre persoana de langa noi.

In continuare vom prezenta cateva dintre cele mai inportante gesturi si semnificatiile lor:

Trunchiul curbat, brate incrucisate, picioare apropiate si usor arcuite:
- un tip singuratic si emotiv, ranchiunos si incompetent.

Mainile incrucisarte la spate si picioarele departate:
- tipul sigur pe el, convins de superioritatea sa asupra sexului "slab", un tip indraznet si totusi calculat in tot ce face, cu o mare doza de falsitate in bunavointa afisata, un tip curajos, echilibrat si destept.


Piept bombat, picioare departate, maini in buzunar:
- este infantil, nestatornic si deloc sigur pe el, motiv pentru care adopta o atitudine aroganta, teribilista.

In timp ce-ti vorbeste, priveste pe langa tine, in sus:
- genul agitat, care se aude doar pe el si nu prea este interesat de tine.

Isi apuca lobul urechii:
- un veleitar, obositor si plin de esecuri in plan sentimental

Picior peste picior, unde glezna piciorului ridicat sta pe genunchiul celuilalt picior:
- pozitia lui relaxata vrea de fapt sa mascheze starea de tensiune in care se gaseste; este un tip puternic, dominant, muncitor, destept, foarte cerebral.

Picior peste picior (stangul peste piciorul drept):
- un tip debusolat, deprimat, neatent la ce-i spui, timid, inchis in sine.

Picior peste picior (dreptul este rasucit peste piciorul stang):
- este o persoana virtuoasa, conservatoare dar si zgarcit si artagos, daca are senzatia ca este atacat.

Isi tine capul (in zona tamplelor) intre maini
- un tip nervos, idealist si superstitios, emotiv si care te place dar nu va face primul pas.

Avand cotul sprijinit, isi sustine capul cu 3 degete: mare, aratator si mijlociu:
- lacom, plin de pretentii, snob, te place si ar vrea sa te cucereasca.

Isi atinge cu degetul, varful nasului:
- este un tip comic dar las, superficial, un tip care vrea siguranta si confort.(ai grija cum te comporti pentru ca el te testeaza in permanenta)

Buza de jos si-o deformeaza in spre exterior:
- genul infidel, care stie sa faca complimente, dar pe care nu-l interesezi.

Pe scaun - genunchii departati iar gleznele incrucisate sub scaun:
- un tip aflat mereu in defensiva, neincrezator, genul "Toma necredinciosul", nu prea stie ce-i recunostinta.

Pozitie americana - lasat pe spate cu scaunul, picioarele pe birou:
- "barbatul man", plin de el, arogant, genul "eu am intotdeauna dreptate", toti ii sunt inferiori.

Nu te priveste niciodata in ochi:
- este speriat, se teme de eventualele tale reactii, este genul de victima.

Barbia sprijinita in pumni:
- genul de om plin de prejudecati, care trezeste antipatie.

Rade afectat si isi lasa capul pe spate:
- tipul rece, destept, lipsit de sentimente si scrupule spre implinirea scopului propus.



Un articol de Margo Jacob

Sunday, October 22, 2006

A fi ametit...sau a ti pierde controlul


Si a mai trecut un week-end, si am mai imbatranit cu o saptamana(parca as fi o baba)si inca o saptamana mi-a marcat viata, in bine sau rau asta ramane de vazut mai tarziu.

Am reusit sa ajung in al noualea cer dar si sa cad inapoi pe pamant.Am reusit sa rad cu gura pana la urechi dar si sa vars lacrimi de crocodil, am reusit sa ma simt util altora dar si inutil mie insumi...

Toate astea la un loc, insa fac ca eu sa fiu EU, cu temeri, bucuri, obsesii, vici .... toate astea nu ma caracterizeaza dar fac parte din fiinta mea,toate astea insa ma completeaza, fara ele nu as fi Eu, as fi ca orice Om, si nu vreau asta...vreau sa fiu EU ! Nu un actor, nu un cantaret sau fotbalist celebru ! Just to be ME ! Nu am o criza existentiala(viata mea insasi e o criza), nu iau Prozac, ma tratez cu realitatea, dar ma vindec cu visele mele(care nu mai sunt erotice de mult, thanks God).

Ciudat e ca ma simt tot mai singur, desi nu e o saptamana sa nu cunosc persoane noi, insa acele persoane nu sunt langa mine cand am nevoie(si as avea nevoie24/7)si sincer nici nu cred ca mai are rost sa le spun acest lucru, daca pretind ca ma cunosc , ar trebui sa stie ca am nevoie de ele.

Din pacate sexul(cel care invarte lumea azi)nu este unul din atuurile mele, si nici nu ma caracterizeaza ca persoana, iar ca gay nici atat,fiind unul din punctele mele slabe si motiv de complex pentru mine! Da sunt complexat ca nu pot face sex cum as dori, dar chiar nu pot din atatea motive cate fire de nisip are plaja de nudisti din Mamaia :), fiziologic nu pot, psihic vreau-fizic ceva imi zice stop! Ei asta e bine pt. mine dar din pacate vad ca pentru cei pe care ii cunosc e un motiv destul de serios sa refuze sa se intalneasca cu mine. Si atunci cum sa cred ca cineva tine la mine(cel putin asa declara)insa cand ii cer sa vina la mine si ii spun ca nu pot presta acea activitate placuta amandoura, din motive fiziologice(dureri de burta sau intoxicatie alimentara)deci atunci renunta, si atunci cum sa nu ma simt decat un ambalaj, o jucarie sexuala? Chiar doar atat reprezint?

Da, recunosc nu sunt perfect(nici pe departe nu doresc sa fiu declarat sfant)mint, insel, ma folosesc de altii mai slabi decat mine,ma imbat, vars, urlu, rad, cad , ma ridic, dar nu asta facem toti daca ne cautam sinceri in constiinta? Toate astea fac parte din viata noastra, toate astea ne fac ceea ce suntem ca indivizi, ca oameni.Nu incerc sa imi gasesc o scuza pentru ceea ce sunt sau am devenit, ci doar sa incerc sa explic unora care se cred sfinti, ca doar a judeca pe altii prin prisma slabiciunilor pe care le au nu le asigura lor un loc in ceruri asa cum cred si nici nu ii ridica in ochii mei.

A critica pe cineva doar pt. ca nu corespunde cu nivelul asteptarilor tale nu te face mai destept, mai bun , mai frumos, mai sfant! Intreaba-te daca tu te ridici la nivelul asteptarilor lui?

Prea multa cultura nu te face neaparat un bun partener de conversatie atata timp cat crezi ca doar TU posezi Piatra Filosofala, atata timp cat numai parerea ta conteaza si ca doar Tu ai dreptate. Din potriva, celuilalt ii vei provoca (daca ai noroc)mila si te va lasa sa iti termini monologul(desi ar trebui sa fie un dialog)sau se va scuza are ceva treaba la toaleta si nu se va mai intoarce.

Sincer sunt uimit ca atata lume sufera in tacere iar cand sunt cu asa zisii prieteni carora ar trebui sa se descarce(daca nu lor atunci cui?sincer cred ca daca ai prieteni nu ai nevoie de psiholog)din potriva se inchid mai tare in ei si inceraca sa afiseze ipostaza de invingatori cand de fapt sunt niste invinsi !

Mi-a trebuit o noapte de betie si apoi o dimineata de strans toaleta in brate ca sa imi dau seama ca ceea ce sunt si ceea ce vreau sa devin nu trebuie sa o fac pt. altii(ca asa da bine in Bucuresti)ci pentru mine(si asta nu e o dovada de egoism cum ar sustine sigur Roxana)si ca nu sunt nici pleava societatii dar nici Columb care descopera America prima data, sunt doar Eu. Asa ca fie ma acceptati cum sunt, fie nu...
Nu vreau sa schimb pe nimeni si nici altcineva pe mine, ma simt bine in pielea mea, altfel nu as mai fi EU, iar Eu nu sunt si nici nu vreau sa fiu ca toti ceilalti...

PS.Si mai stiu ca datorita faptului ca imi spun oful pe acest si prin acest blog am sa pierd oameni care acum mi se declara prieteni, si sincer nu am realizat pana acum acest lucru, dar imi asum acest fapt.Asta e viata, nu pot multumii pe toata lumeam, nici macar pe mine...ce am dorit si doresc prin aceste articole e o descriere a mea mai intima decat si-ar face-o cineva in mod normal, dar una care pe mine ma multumeste, ma linistetste si nu lasa loc altor interpretari, sper...