Why People Hurt Each Other ?

I wrote this article to convince myself (and others like myself), who have often been on the receiving end of hurts, mostly emotional, from people whom I have known through the years (who may or may not be my friends) that there are definitely reasons or nuances of sound logic why people hurt others, deliberately or not. Call it my way of putting things into perspective, to know where people are coming from, to discern what prompts them into doing something offensive to a fellow human being, to understand them, and finally, to forgive them. After much contemplation, I came up with five reasons on why people tend to hurt (physically or otherwise) others: they do it for kicks, they do it for vengeance, they get manipulated to do it, they don’t actually know they’re hurting others, and lastly, because others allow them to do the hurting.

Some people hurt others for kicks. Really, there are people who experience a sense of euphoria when they inflict pain on others; they derive pleasure from other people’s sufferings. I’m just about finished with Arlene J. Chai’s book, Eating Fire and Drinking Water. A certain character in that book caught my attention; his name is Aure, a military colonel tasked with quelling terrorism in the South (Note: South here refers to the terrorist-infected southern part of the Philippines). This Aure is a man that belied his calm demeanor, for underneath the mask is an animal that unleashes his claws to torment his victims with the most horrid things imaginable (cutting a flesh here, scooping an eyeball there). And this he does in the full feeling and seeing of his preys; they are being mutilated alive. What can I say to such people? None. No one can change their convoluted minds, so I wouldn’t even try.

Some people maliciously hurt others as an act of vengeance. This, I think, is the most logical reason behind the need to cause others to suffer – to get even for some reasons, real or imagined. I hope that people who wreaked physical or emotional wounds on others have found a valid reason to do so and not do the hurting solely on the basis of some made-up thoughts or impressions concocted by malicious minds; otherwise, the premeditated “hurting” only becomes a channel for venting one’s hang-ups or grudges on the wrong party. To those who say, “Vengeance is mine,” you can learn a thing or two from Mahatma Mohandas K. Gandhi when he says, “An eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind.” Don’t harbor ill will, throw it out. You’re better off without any excess baggage. Go light. Be happy.

Some people get manipulated to hurt others. People come in different shapes and sizes. There are the “dictator” types who think that they own people and that they could impose on them. Trailing behind are the “puppets” who seem to have no mind of their own, allowing others to decide for them, never questioning the dictator’s intentions. To those who dictate upon others, may you be filled with enough cunning so that those you dictate upon won’t be able to discern the real score, because if they do, you might one day end up all by your lonesome selves. And to the puppets, wake up, you’re human beings with free reins on your thoughts and actions. Must you totally abandon the dictates of your own conscience just to give in to another person’s every whim, however absurd? Remember the Golden Rule: “Do unto others what you want others do unto you.” I suppose you don’t want to be hurt yourself.

Some people are oblivious to the fact that they’re hurting others. Call it lack of sensitivity, if you must, but some people can be tactless sometimes they hurt others without really meaning to. The hurting may come in the form of a seemingly trivial comment, a broken promise, a missed appointment, even simple acts of courtesy that might have been overlooked for whatever reason. Enemies can hurt you, but sometimes friends and loved ones can hurt you more. Why? Because you love them, that’s why. And you expect much from them. What do I say to those who don’t know they’re hurting others? Always put yourself in the other person’s shoes; never assume that the other person always understands. S/he may be in one of those wake-up-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-bed days or may be particularly feeling down and out, you may be rubbing salt to her/his wounds, making it all the more unbearable. For whatever it’s worth, learn to patch up your differences. It won’t hurt to say, “I’m sorry.”

Some people allow others to hurt them. Though it’s hard to admit, we’re sometimes responsible for how people treat us. In order to live harmoniously with others, we sometimes willingly give in and allow others to have their way, letting stale comments and little acts of discourtesy pass, without so much as giving a thought to them. Unfortunately, the very act of giving and understanding and making lame excuses for how others behave (or misbehave) toward us sends the wrong signal – that they (the misbehaving crowd) can get away with everything, and again, because we seem to be okay with what they do; it doesn’t seem to annoy us one bit, although the truth of the matter is, we’re fuming mad we’re just not showing it. We bear all of the other party’s blows up to the point where we can bear no more. Sooner or later, we’ll explode and there’s no turning back on angry words thrown at each other, forever burning the bridges that had once been witness to good relationships. How do we guard ourselves then from getting hurt? Learn not to be nice all the time; you’re prone to abuse. Give the other party a piece of your mind and heart; don’t let others trample on your pride and dignity, because in the end that’s what you will have left.

The acts of hurting and getting hurt are but parcels of our human existence. Each of us inevitably gets hurt one way or the other, and there’s no escaping that stark reality. We invariably cause other people’s pains and sufferings, too, by mere thoughts, words, or actions, however we deny it. Whether the hurting was done just for kicks or vengeance, out of sheer manipulation or mere insensitivity, or because there are willing victims, it’s not really the beatings we received that matter, but how we deal with those hurts. We can accept each whack in the back nonchalantly or make our indignations heard. We can own up to our faults – if we’re to be honest about it – that we deserve what we’re getting or we can justify our ill treatment of others. Whatever – different folks, different strokes. The morale of the story is: No matter how harshly others treat us, we must not lose sight of what it’s like to live without resentment in our hearts. We may not always forget, but we can always forgive those who have wronged us. Continue to believe that there’s an inherent good in all of us, that there’s no such thing as people born bad, and that there’s still hope for humanity.

Viata e o necunoscuta...

Credeam ca ce e mai rau mi s-a intamplat pana acum! M-am inselat insa! Dar am sa trec si peste asta! Viata e o incercare continua pentru unii, iar eu nu fac exceptie se pare! Dar nu regret decat daca i fac si pe alti partasi la suferintza mea fara sa vreau!
Sper pe viitor sa nu mai fac asta!
Ar fi multe de spus, si nu mai e cazul! Faptul e consumat, viata merge inainte daca noi dorim sa mearga idiferent de problemele si obstacolele intalnite in cale!
De mult timp, nu mai speram sa iubesc, sa ma indragostesc ca un copil de jucaria mult visata! Mai ales de cand ...
Vreau sa cred ca am o noua sansa de a fi fericit si de a face persoana de langa mine fericita, chiar daca unele restrictii se impun si ar fi trebuit sa le impun de la inceput! Dar mai bine mai tarziu decat niciodata!
Ma simt ca la 17 ani... nu stiu daca e bine sau rau! Sper doar sa nu sufar din nou si mai ales sa nu produc suferinta celor din jur! Asta ma tine in viata, cred ca e singurul lucru pe care nu l-am putut aprecia cand l-am avut, dar acum ca am o noua sansa nu vreau sa pierd aceasta poate ultima ocazie!
Nu e o declaratie de dragoste, e ceva ce trebuia sa scriu sa ramana in urma mea! Declaratia am facut-o, dar poate nu am fost crezut! Important e ca am putut sa simt din nou acea senzatie ca aim gasit ceea ce cautam de mult timp! Pt ca toti suntem trecatori, sentimentele sunt schimbatoare, dar ceea ce ele declanseaza ne afecteaza viitorul, si asta nu trebuie uitat! De unde incepe totul! Cauza e importanta, efectul se vede! Fiecare persoana din viata noastra e altfel, fiecare persoana e iubita de noi pt diferite motive si in diferite moduri! A generaliza e o greseala, nu poti iubi pe cineva ca pe persoana dinaintea ei! Poti mai mult sau mai putin! La fel niciodata! Important e sa fie impartasita iubirea, si sinceritatea un act automat ca si respiratia!
Sa fiti iubiti de cine vreti voi!

IN LOVE and in big fucking pain too!

Well i didnt drink yet! I even might not do it in the end! I just might not! Nothing is sure! Like LOVE too!
Yes im fucking in love but i dont have feed back! So i am in love with myself, actually! How can you love and not be loved? Well guys, this is like my life story! Always getting in love in to wrong, difficult guys! Who are saing one thing, but do other! Anyway, i just got inspire by this movie>

http://www.filmeonline.org/500-days-of-summer-film-online/

See it and you will see what im in to!

De ce cumparam felicitari? Indiferent de ocazie, nunta, botez, Valentine...
Pentru ca unii dintre noi nu sunt in stare sa spuna acele cuvinte sau pt. ca pur si simplu nu le simt! SAU le e frica sa le spuna! Da exista oameni care se tem de afectiune, de simpatie, de DRAGOSTE! Din ce cauza?:) Habar n-am! Nu am aflat! Unii au nevoie de luni de zile sa isi dea seama ca tin la un OM! Cum dracu vine asta frate? E ca la masini cand te obisnuiesti cu ambreiajul? I just dont fucking get it!

Ma depaseste...

Stiu doar atat, ca am intalnit, sau am crezut ca am intalnit omul vietii mele, am stiut din ziua in care lam vazut! Dar se pare ca EU nu sunt omul vietii lui! Asa ca... ce rost are asteptare? Sa astept ce? Sa se deschida portile RAIULUI sa isi dea seama ca eu sunt ceea ce cauta? Sa se loveasca la cap? Am dat telefoane, am dat smsuri, am facut declaratii, am dat cadouri poate poate deschide ochii si urechile la ceea ce eu i spun! RAHAT! I mean what the fuck i have to do so you can fucking figure it out that i fucking love you?

Noroc sau ghinion ... ca sunt liber azi si pot sa plang si sa urlu cat e ziua de lunga! Fara sa ma vada nimeni! Prietenii, colegii, vecinii! Si ma doare de simt ca o iau razna! NU mai pot! E ca atunci cand ai gasit un lucru pe care til doreai de mult si l-ai scapat in canal, si nu mai ai cum sal recuperezi! Cuvintele nu pot exprima tristetea, dezamagirea, deznadejdea pe care o simt ca nu voi mai gasi pe cineva ca el, atat de aproape de ceea ce caut la un barbat, dar atat de departe de ceea ce cauta el la mine!

Vara asta vroiam sa ma duc cu el la Barcelona si cu prietenii mei sa-i fac surpriza vietii! AM aranjat de bilete, de cazare...si... acum sunt singur! Nu credeam vreodata sa simt ca as vrea sa ma insor cu vreun barbat! Ca as vrea sa fiu cu el all day long! Dar uite s-a intamplat. DIn pacate doar mie mi se intampla fericiri din astea!

Pana la urma ce e dragostea? Placere, suferinta, dureri de cap...

So fuck me, ma simt like shit! Iar lui i pasa de EX!

So fuck me im a looser! LOve is great! 4 others!

Life in progress...

Ma doare mana rupta dar ma doare mai tare faptul ca mi-am deschis sufletul cuiva care nu e pregatit sa primeasca to ceea ce zace il el. E trist dar si adevarat ca atunci cand iubesti dar si cand suferi, esti orbit de dragoste sau de suferinta si nu vezi clar ce ai in fata ta . Cand suferi nu vezi ca cel care te ajuta ar putea fi ceea ce tu cauti de atata timp, cand esti indragostit nu te gandesti ca celuilalt poate tu nu esti ceea ce el cauta in acel moment. Nu o spun ca un repros vizavi de o persoana sau alta, ci ca o constatare recenta si dureroasa a mea.
Prietenia la nevoie se cunoaste, zice un proverb. Eu am nevoie...dar de cine? Cand suferi poti face si pe altii sa sufere cand refuzi sa fi ajutat. Dar depinde de la caz la caz. Eu am ajutat si ma asteptam sa fiu si eu acum ajutat, cand nu imi pot face o mancare ca lumea, cand imi ia o ora sa ma imbrac sa ies afara! Dar cel mai bine e sa fi surprins prin ceea ce nu te astepti sa ti se intample placut, decat sa fi surprins ca ceea ce te astepti sa ti se ofere ajutor nu e posibil!

Sa fiti iubiti!

For EX and for NEXT pretenders...

LImba engleza mereu mi-a placut pt ca sentimentele suna altfel cand e vorba de ele!

The truth is that everyone is going to hurt, you just have to decide who is worth the pain!
Tears are words the heart cant say!
I know you don’t love me, so why am I even trying?
I love you, I always have, I always will, I just cant let go.
Love means nothing if no ones there to share it!
Im going to smile like nothings wrong, talk like everythings perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me!

Never say I love you, if you really don’t care
Never talk about feelings
If they aren’t really there
Never hold my hand
If you are going to break my hart
Never say you are going to be there
If you don’t plan to stay!

Never look in to my eyes, if all you do is lie
Never say hello
If you really mean goodbye
If you really mean forever,
Then say you will try
Never say forever
Cause forever makes me cry!

I wont stare, I wont flirt
Ill act as if it doesn’t hurt
Ill just smile and say im fine
Hiding lies with that old line
Oh.. but if you only knew
That I would die to be with you.
Im the boy that’s always lost,
The one with the fake smile,
The boy who seemsso strong
But continues to break!
The boy whos always there,
And seems to have no problems of his own
The one who holds back the tears,
Until his off the phone!

De Sf,. Nicolae

Dap si a trecut sau a inceput inca o sarbatoare! Ziua mea de nume! Mai bine zis una dintre ele, pt ca am avantajul; de a avea 2 prenume! Nu e rau cand primesti cadiuri! E rau cand trebuie sa faci ciste la prieteni! Si am niste sugative..... OMG! Dar i iubesc si what the hek? Drink baby, drink! Just not my fucking blod!

Si dupa ce am baut si dansat la unul din ei acasa, ne-am sfarsit in club SOHO! Unde avand la bord am incercat si eu ca tot omul sa ma bag in seama cu un tip care parea ok, altfel! Si era altfel! :))

EU> Buna sunt Florin!
EL> xx...
EU> Esti din Bucuresti?
EL> Conteaza?
EU> ...Acuma nu!

Cam asta a fost dialogul! Credeam ca e altfel! Si am plecat acasa! Pe restul i stiam:))

M-am intalnit acolo desigur si cu alti amici, pupaceli, tandreturi, imbratisari, barfe! Chiar si cu un tip de 18 ani, care credeam eu ca vrea ceva serios! Bine ca nu mi-am pus caii la caruta!

Eu> Buna ce mai faci?:)
EL> Uite bine, pe aici plictisit ca nu am tras iarba!
EU> Aha! Inteleg! Ei lasa, alta data! :))

Deci vrei relatie in Bucuresti cu ce gasesti in cluburi gay? No fucking way! Big mistake to dream about that!

Mi-am luat geaca si am plecat acasa! Nu singur insa! Am avut onoarea, privilegiul, sa ma insoteasca un membru al familiei canidelor, nu stiu daca era un EL sau o EA ca nu m-am uitat intre picioare...
Dar mi-a fost un tovaras 20 de minute pana in fata porti! Daca era curtea mea, il adoptam pe loc! Am trecut prin parcul Cismigiu, si va recomand sa mergeti seara e suberb iluminat, de vis as zice! Am uitat de toate necazurile trecand prin parc! Cred ca o sa mai merg! E si patinuarul gata!
In rest, acuma sunt ok, rupt de somn si cu cateva experiente noi la bord!
Sa fiti iubiti!

LIve your life! Alone...

Nu am baut inca nimic, ma pregateam sa merg la dus dupa ce vizionasem The Ugly Truth, o comedie romantica care mi-a mai descretit fata fara sa fac riduri, si am intrat pe mess sa vad cine ce mai face! Cine, mai bine zis persoanele care imi sunt dragi, persoane care ar putea sa imi fie macar unul dintre ele, my next ONE! Ar putea dar nu prea cred ca va fi vreunul pt. ca, ca si in trecut, nu pot concura cu o dragoste neimpartasita a unuia care il face pe acesta si mai indarjit sa o detina de la cel care NU IL IUBESTE, pt. ca nu pot concura cu studiile care e adevarat sunt o etapa in viata fiecaruia cu ceva neuroni in cap, pt. ca nu pot concura cu principiile de \altfel sanatoase ale altcuiva si lipsa de bani sau alte chestii materiale pentru a face posibila o intrevedre, care sa spunem adevarul nu ar face decat sa puna sare pe o rana deja deschisa!

Deci fratilor, cei care doriti relatie, fiti siguri ca cei pe care-i doriti ca viitori parteneri, se pot intretine singuri, nu sufera dupa unu care nu ia iubit, si mai ales ca pot face o alegere corecta intre a da un ban pe un bilet de tren pt a va intalni macar odata, in loc de a-si cumpara haine de la ZARA!

Cel mai ciudat e ca simt ca as fi putut iubi unul ditre aceste caractere, cu toata fiinta mea, pt. ca fiecare dintre ei, avea ceva special ce i deosebeste de restul! Dar nu ajunge sa isi doreasca doar o persoana sa fie cu cinvea, ci si cealalta sa fie cu ea! Ori in my fucking case, isnt the case! Deci astept pensia linistit, pt ca se poate mai rau decat sa traiesti singur o viata! Asta o vedem zilnic in Bucuresti pe strada, in mijloacele de transport si la televizor, iar dragostea intr-un astfel de oras e ca o PERLA intr-o mlastina!
Adica al naibi de greu de gasit! Cine are tarie sa o caute, multa bafta! Eu unul declar ca ma las de meserie! Si ma reapuc de labarie ca e mai sanatoasa si fidela decat orice relatie sexuala! :)

P>S> Orice potrivire cu persoane din viata reala nu este o pura coincidenta, ci un pur adevar, care doare al dracu de tare! Dar trebuie spus! Pt. ca mereu am spus si mereu am sa spun ce gandesc, desi nu am cui! :))


Sa fiti iubiti!

P.S. Cine se recunoaste in cele de mai sus, nu va impacientati, nu va acuz! Am facut doar o expunere de motive nu un atac la persoana! Daca am ceva de spus va spun la fiecare in particular pe mess! Ca de vazut nu cred ca vom avea ocazia! Dragostea mea, e ultimul lucru pe care il doriti! :) Desi nu m-ar mira ca tot din cauza unui astfel de text sa nu mai vorbiti cu mine, asa cum am patit-o si cu altii anterior! NU detin piatra filozofala, iar cine ia de bune si general valabil ceea ce scriu aici, este.... las la aprecierea fiecaruia completarea! :))

A great song... Whitney Houston - I Look To You

As I lay me down
Heaven hear me now
Im lost without a cause
After giving it my all

Winter storms have come
And darkened my sun
After all that I've been through
Who on earth can I turn to

I look to you

After all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong

I look to you

And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song

I look to you

After losing my breath
There's no more fighting left
Sinking to rise no more
Searching for that open door

And every road that I've taken
Lead to my regret
And I don't know if Im gonna make it
Nothing to do but lift my head

I look to you

And when all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong

I look to you

And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song

I look to you


(my levies have broken, my walls have come)

Coming down on me

(crumbling down on me)

All the rain is falling

(the rain is falling, defeat is calling)

Set me free

(i need you to set me free)

Take me far away from the battle
I need you
Shine on me

I look to you
I look to you

After all my strength has gone
in you I can be strong

I look to you
I look to you

and when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song

I look to you

yeah

I look to you
oooooooh
I look to you